Vegan Aphorisms from Vegan Vittles, by Joanne Stepaniak
Instead of: You can kill two birds with one stone.
Use: You can slice two carrots with one knife.
Instead of: Running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
Running around in circles.
Instead of: You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.
You can’t make granola out of gravel.
Instead of: Pull the wool over one’s eyes.
Pull the hat over one’s eyes.
Instead of: It’s no use crying over spilled milk.
It’s no use crying/weeping over burnt toast.
Instead of: There’s more than one way to skin a cat.
There’s more than one way to peel a potato.
Instead of: Don’t put the cart before the horse.
Don’t slice the bread before it’s baked.
Instead of: Never put all your eggs in one basket.
Never put all your berries in one bowl/basket.
Instead of: Slippery as an eel.
Slippery as oil.
Instead of: Packed in like sardines.
Packed in like pickles.
Instead of: On a wild-goose chase.
Out chasing rainbows.
Instead of: Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you’ll feed him for life.
Give a man beans, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to garden, and you’ll feed him for life.
Instead of: The straw that broke the camel’s back.
The drop that made the cup spill over.
Instead of: It’s no use beating a dead horse.
It’s no use watering a dead rose.
Instead of: He that would fish must not mind getting wet.
He that would garden must not mind getting soiled/dirty.
Instead of: One man’s meat is another man’s poison.
One man’s treat is another man’s trouble.
Instead of: Talk turkey.
Instead of: You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.
You can’t make wine without crushing grapes.
Instead of: It’s a silly fish that is caught twice with the same bait.
It’s a foolish man who stumbles twice on the same stone.
Instead of: Never fish in troubled waters.
Never fly a kite in a storm.
Instead of: As easy as duck soup.
As easy as boiling water.
Instead of: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.
You can sow fertile seeds, but you can’t make them sprout.
Instead of: Cook someone’s goose.
Burn someone’s cookies.
Instead of: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
Don’t look for bugs in a flower bouquet.
Instead of: You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
You can catch more smiles with nice than with nasty.
Instead of: You can’t get blood from a turnip.
You can’t get water from a stone.
Instead of: You can’t sell the cow and have the milk too.
You can’t sell the orchard and have the apples too.
Instead of: Ants in your pants.
Pepper in your pants.
Instead of: Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.
Don’t count your bushels before they’re reaped.
Instead of: Lay an egg.
Launch a dud.
Instead of: The nearer the bone, the sweeter the flesh.
The nearer the stone, the sweeter the peach.
Instead of: Walking on eggs.
Walking on broken glass.
Instead of: Someone is no spring chicken.
Someone is no spring onion.
Instead of: Many a pearl is still hidden in the oyster.
Many a potato is still buried beneath the snow.
Instead of: Separate the sheep from the goats.
Separate the wheat from the oats.
Instead of: He who treads on eggs must tread lightly.
He who treads on thin ice must tread lightly.
Instead of: Neither fish nor fowl.
Neither greens nor grains.
Instead of: I have a bone to pick with you.
I have a stone to pick with you.
Instead of: An oath and an egg are soon broken.
A promise and a plate are soon broken.
Instead of: Don’t let the cat out of the bag.
Keep it under your hat.
Instead of: He who steals a calf steals a cow.
He who crushes an acorn kills an oak.
Instead of: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A berry in the hand is worth two on the bush.
Instead of: Don’t kill the goose that lays the golden eggs.
Don’t fell the tree that bears/yields the sweetest fruit.
Instead of: Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Sauce for the peach is sauce for the plum.
Instead of: What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
What’s good for the peach is good for the plum.
Instead of: There’s more than one fish in the sea.
There’s more than one leaf on the tree.
Instead of: Better to give the wool than the whole sheep.
Better to give the berries than the whole bush.
Instead of: Casting pearls before swine.
Singing your song to a stone.
Instead of: “Almost” never killed a fly.
“Nearly” never saved a life.
Instead of: Opening a can of worms. Opening a can of spaghetti.
Instead of: The land of milk and honey. The land of sweet abundance.
Instead of: It’s raining cats and dogs. It’s raining rice and beans.
Instead of: Eating crow. Eating humble pie.