Vegan Aphorisms from Vegan Vittles, by Joanne Stepaniak

Instead of: You can kill two birds with one stone.

Use: You can slice two carrots with one knife.

Instead of: Running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Running around in circles.

Instead of: You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

You can’t make granola out of gravel.

Instead of: Pull the wool over one’s eyes.

Pull the hat over one’s eyes.

Instead of: It’s no use crying over spilled milk.

It’s no use crying/weeping over burnt toast.

Instead of: There’s more than one way to skin a cat.

There’s more than one way to peel a potato.

Instead of: Don’t put the cart before the horse.

Don’t slice the bread before it’s baked.

Instead of: Never put all your eggs in one basket.

Never put all your berries in one bowl/basket.

Instead of: Slippery as an eel.

Slippery as oil.

Instead of: Packed in like sardines.

Packed in like pickles.

Instead of: On a wild-goose chase.

Out chasing rainbows.

Instead of: Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you’ll feed him for life.

Give a man beans, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to garden, and you’ll feed him for life.

Instead of: The straw that broke the camel’s back.

The drop that made the cup spill over.

Instead of: It’s no use beating a dead horse.

It’s no use watering a dead rose.

Instead of: He that would fish must not mind getting wet.

He that would garden must not mind getting soiled/dirty.

Instead of: One man’s meat is another man’s poison.

One man’s treat is another man’s trouble.

Instead of: Talk turkey.

Speak vegan.

Instead of: You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

You can’t make wine without crushing grapes.

Instead of: It’s a silly fish that is caught twice with the same bait.

It’s a foolish man who stumbles twice on the same stone.

Instead of: Never fish in troubled waters.

Never fly a kite in a storm.

Instead of: As easy as duck soup.

As easy as boiling water.

Instead of: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

You can sow fertile seeds, but you can’t make them sprout.

Instead of: Cook someone’s goose.

Burn someone’s cookies.

Instead of: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Don’t look for bugs in a flower bouquet.

Instead of: You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

You can catch more smiles with nice than with nasty.

Instead of: You can’t get blood from a turnip.

You can’t get water from a stone.

Instead of: You can’t sell the cow and have the milk too.

You can’t sell the orchard and have the apples too.

Instead of: Ants in your pants.

Pepper in your pants.

Instead of: Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.

Don’t count your bushels before they’re reaped.

Instead of: Lay an egg.

Launch a dud.

Instead of: The nearer the bone, the sweeter the flesh.

The nearer the stone, the sweeter the peach.

Instead of: Walking on eggs.

Walking on broken glass.

Instead of: Someone is no spring chicken.

Someone is no spring onion.

Instead of: Many a pearl is still hidden in the oyster.

Many a potato is still buried beneath the snow.

Instead of: Separate the sheep from the goats.

Separate the wheat from the oats.

Instead of: He who treads on eggs must tread lightly.

He who treads on thin ice must tread lightly.

Instead of: Neither fish nor fowl.

Neither greens nor grains.

Instead of: I have a bone to pick with you.

I have a stone to pick with you.

Instead of: An oath and an egg are soon broken.

A promise and a plate are soon broken.

Instead of: Don’t let the cat out of the bag.

Keep it under your hat.

Instead of: He who steals a calf steals a cow.

He who crushes an acorn kills an oak.

Instead of: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

A berry in the hand is worth two on the bush.

Instead of: Don’t kill the goose that lays the golden eggs.

Don’t fell the tree that bears/yields the sweetest fruit.

Instead of: Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Sauce for the peach is sauce for the plum.

Instead of: What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

What’s good for the peach is good for the plum.

Instead of: There’s more than one fish in the sea.

There’s more than one leaf on the tree.

Instead of: Better to give the wool than the whole sheep.

Better to give the berries than the whole bush.

Instead of: Casting pearls before swine.
Singing your song to a stone.

Instead of: “Almost” never killed a fly.

“Nearly” never saved a life.

Instead of: Opening a can of worms. Opening a can of spaghetti.

Instead of: The land of milk and honey. The land of sweet abundance.

Instead of: It’s raining cats and dogs. It’s raining rice and beans.

Instead of: Eating crow. Eating humble pie.